literature

Sepulcher Sky

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kukakashi's avatar
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Literature Text

'Twixt heaven where the angels fly

and the scattered earth below,

a doleful band of sepulcher sky

is where the lost must go.
This a short poem for the a personal website that I use for writing stories and possibly collaborating.

SepulchreSky

Please critique.
© 2010 - 2024 kukakashi
Comments3
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illpick1later's avatar
very lyrical. i love rhyming poetry, and yours has great rhythm too. the second line seems to be missing an actor, i think: you have "angels" in the first line and "the lost" in the last, so the reader might expect a denizen of "earth" in the second. that's just my opinion, of course, and it's a very minor point anyway.
i've seen a ton of hack-poems (including a few on this site) so this is a very welcome example of strong poetry!